VICTIM
Webster defines Victim as the following....
a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else. : a person who is cheated or fooled by someone else. : someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as an illness or accident)
When I hear the word victim, I think of someone who has been harmed, raped, murdered, etc...
I NEVER thought of myself as a victim.......until my therapist said YOU ARE A VICTIM.....that hit me hard, I am not sure why.......almost like someone punched me in the gut. I was in denial.
It took me a little while to accept.....I WAS a victim, a victim of my step-fathers mental, physical and emotional abuse. I was in fact damaged, I harbor DEEP resentment for him and my mother
Will I ever get over it? Will the hate and anger ever go away? Will I ever be able to speak to my mother again?
I don't have the answers to any of those questions right now. I do know that I don't want to feel the anger anymore......I don't want to hate anymore.....but it is there.....built up over years and years and stored deep inside me.
I didn't talk about my childhood to anyone really until I started therapy. I never talked to my kids about it, my husband has learned bits and pieces over our 17yr marriage.....but no one knows all I endured over the years. No one knows the loneliness I felt, the sadness, the fear, the heartache, etc....
I don't have hardly any good childhood memories......it breaks my heart to say that.....I wish I could look back on my childhood and smile and share fun stories with my kids, but there aren't any.
Somewhere along the way I feel like I lost myself.....
My therapist thinks it will help to write about it.....so here goes
If anyone is reading this you will eventually see all the details from my childhood, (maybe not all, but probably most), a lot of memories have been pushed way down deep, with hopes of forgetting them....I definitely never thought I would be writing about them for anyone to see.
But I am ready to try to move on and find me......I know I am still in there somewhere.
a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else. : a person who is cheated or fooled by someone else. : someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as an illness or accident)
When I hear the word victim, I think of someone who has been harmed, raped, murdered, etc...
I NEVER thought of myself as a victim.......until my therapist said YOU ARE A VICTIM.....that hit me hard, I am not sure why.......almost like someone punched me in the gut. I was in denial.
It took me a little while to accept.....I WAS a victim, a victim of my step-fathers mental, physical and emotional abuse. I was in fact damaged, I harbor DEEP resentment for him and my mother
Will I ever get over it? Will the hate and anger ever go away? Will I ever be able to speak to my mother again?
I don't have the answers to any of those questions right now. I do know that I don't want to feel the anger anymore......I don't want to hate anymore.....but it is there.....built up over years and years and stored deep inside me.
I didn't talk about my childhood to anyone really until I started therapy. I never talked to my kids about it, my husband has learned bits and pieces over our 17yr marriage.....but no one knows all I endured over the years. No one knows the loneliness I felt, the sadness, the fear, the heartache, etc....
I don't have hardly any good childhood memories......it breaks my heart to say that.....I wish I could look back on my childhood and smile and share fun stories with my kids, but there aren't any.
Somewhere along the way I feel like I lost myself.....
My therapist thinks it will help to write about it.....so here goes
If anyone is reading this you will eventually see all the details from my childhood, (maybe not all, but probably most), a lot of memories have been pushed way down deep, with hopes of forgetting them....I definitely never thought I would be writing about them for anyone to see.
But I am ready to try to move on and find me......I know I am still in there somewhere.
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